


With Saddened Eyes and Saddened Hearts

by Ferafish



Series: Ashara Lavellan [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Dragon Age Quest: Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts, F/M, Sad Inquisitor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 08:52:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9431537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferafish/pseuds/Ferafish
Summary: After the announcement of the new Emperor of Orlais, Cullen gets worried when he can't find the Inquisitor.





	

After the announcement of the new Emperor of Orlais, members of the Inquisition were mobbed. With how much everyone wanted to be seen praising the Inquisition, Cullen didn't manage to extract himself from his throng of admirers for almost an hour. When he finally managed, his first thought was for Ashara.

 _'Poor girl must be overwhelmed,'_ he thought to himself. With that, he sought to find her, hoping to rescue her from the crowd. It wasn't long before he noticed that she wasn't in the ballroom at all. Quiet inquiries to the rest of the Inquisition told him that none of the others ad seen her since the speeches had concluded.

Worry now plaguing his thoughts, he quickly excused himself, citing tiredness after an exciting day. He saw some of the others quietly do the same.

At the guest suites the Inquisition had been assigned, Cullen was shortly joined by Cassandra, Solas, and Leliana.

"You're worried about the Inquisitor," Leliana stated. She looked calm, but Cullen knew how much that woman could hide behind a smile.

"I know she'd just likely overwhelmed and wanted some peace," Cullen admitted, "but with the number of mercenaries and assassins she's already run into tonight, I'd rather not take my chances."

"I will return to the ball," Leliana said. "Josephine and I will ensure that the events of tonight are spun in a positive light, and keep an ear out for any indication of foul play. Solas, you will search the servants' quarters and kitchens. Cassandra, cover the library and upper guest wing. Cullen, cover the garden. Hopefully she only needed a break from the crowd, but if any of you find evidence otherwise, come back to the main ballroom to tell us, and take Iron Bull with you. Everyone agree?"

Everyone nodded. With that, they left.

~*~*~

Out in the gardens, Cullen was mildly surprised at the number of bodies. All of them were cold, killed before the Empress's assassination. It was still haunting to know that while he was being annoyed by the crowd in the ballroom, she had been fighting for her life down here in the gardens.

Cullen had almost walked past her, dismissing her as the corpse of another unfortunate servant, when the shaking of her shoulders caught his eye. She sat in an alcove created by the hedges, one knee hugged up to her chest. She sat almost entirely still, only the occasional shudder of her shoulders proved her not to be one of the corpses strewn about the garden.

"Ashara?" he whispered gently, moving slowly towards her.

His heart nearly broke when Ashara looked up at him. The tear tracks down her face glinted in the moonlight, matching the look of despair in her eyes. Her quiet sobs continued as she looked away.

Sitting down beside her, Cullen gathered her into his arms. Rubbing her shoulder, he tried to comfort her. He whispered platitudes into her hair as he gently rocked them. Slowly, the sobs trailed off, leaving only a soft hitch in her breath.

"Can you tell me what's wrong," Cullen murmured, gently tilting her face up to look at him.

"I killed her. I killed the Empress," Ashara whispered. "I could have saved her, and I didn't."

"I know it was a hard choice, but you did the best you could," Cullen replied, tucking some of her loose hair back behind a pointed ear.

"I know," she sighed. "I know that they never would have listened to a  _rabbit_. I know we had no concrete proof of Florianne's plot. I know that if we had cornered her, she would've just pleaded innocent and accused us of trying to frame her. I know all this, but I still just let a woman die. I could have saved her, but I waited, because it was easier. I just... I should've done something."

Drawing her head down toward his chest, Cullen hummed. "Sometimes, I think we forget how young you are."

"I'm not a child," Ashara muttered.

"Not like that. Josephine and Leliana grew up around these sort of politics. I learned how to compartmentalize the situation with the Templars. You never needed to learn that before now, before we made you Inquisitor. And you do so well that sometimes we forget you just found yourself thrust into this. I'm sorry you had to make that decision. I'm sorry we put you in that position. I wish that none of this night had happened. I wish it had just been a quiet ball, that we go to dance and enjoy the food and the drinks and the music. But it happened, and we can't change that. I... I'm sorry."

"It wasn't you fault," Ashara whispered, lifting her hand to grab Cullen's.

"Well it wasn't yours either," Cullen replied, lacing his fingers through hers. "It was the fault of a mad woman chasing after power."

They sat there for a while longer, Cullen softly carding his fingers through Ashara's hair.

"We'd best get back to the rooms," Cullen eventually said. "I'm sure the others are getting worried."

Ashara squeezed his hand. "Just..." her voice trailed off. "Just stay with me, tonight? Please?"

"For you, my darling, anything."

**Author's Note:**

> Just a snapshot of how my Inquisitor felt after letting Empress Celene die. She tries very hard to be practical, and put the Inquisition and their needs first, but underneath she's just a young Dalish elf, in over her head, desperately trying to keep afloat.
> 
> Posted to tumblr [here](http://ferafish.tumblr.com/post/156244008908/).


End file.
